Written by sex journalist and expert, Gabrielle Kassel, forThe Cowgirl.
Maybe your boyfriend loves having his bum boinked. Maybe you’re a dude who has pegging fantasies. Maybe you’ve simply got questions about the relationship between The Cowgirl sex acts and sexuality.
Whatever the reasons, you’re here because you want to know: Does enjoying receptive anal sex make me gay?
Ahead, sexuality educator Carol Queen, Ph.D., a sexologist with sex toy company Good Vibrations, which sells The Cowgirl Sex Machine answers that question. (Spoiler alert: No, enjoying anal sex does not make you gay).
Does Anal Sex Make Me Gay?
No, enjoying receptive anal sex does not make you gay. And that stands for all kinds of receptive anal sex. Enjoying having your salad tossed, riding The Cowgirl, having your fart box fingered, or getting your popper pegged with a dildo mean anything about your sexuality.
Actually, no sex acts has have the power to change or dictate your sexuality. The only thing that dictates your sexuality is you!
The only thing that makes someone gay is them saying, “I’m gay!”. Nothing else — not their sexual history, dating history, romantic history, bedroom preferences and kinks, style, etc — makes somebody gay. As Dr. Queen puts it, “People have sexual orientations, sex acts do not.”
Worth noting: Just as not all people (men) who enjoy receiving or engaging in anal sex are gay, not all gay people (men) enjoy having anal sex! People within the same sexuality categories can have different sexual tastes. Likewise, people within different sexuality categories could enjoy a few of the same sex acts.
People Of All Sexualities Might Like Receptive Anal Sex
People all across the gender spectrum have butts — and some of those people enjoy having their butts touched!
People assigned male at birth may be especially prone to anal pleasure, according Dr. Queen. Why? Two words: The prostate.
Located between the anus and the penis, the prostate is an organ in (most) people assigned male at birth that is responsible for manufacturing some of the contents in ejaculate, she explains. Beyond its reproductive role, the prostate can also play a role in your pleasure life.
Often called a homologous structure to the G-zone, the prostate can be stimulated directly through internal anal penetration. For some people that stimulation is pleasurable, according to her. “The prostate can be sensitive to pressure, touch, stroking, vibration, and the like,” says Dr. Queen. In fact, for some people this kind of stimulation can even lead to a so-called prostate orgasm!
That said, anal penetration can be enjoyable for people without prostates, too. She explains: The entrance of the peach is chock-full of nerve-endings, and therefore can enjoy being stimulated. The the lining of the anal canal also contains a number of nerve-endings that can respond pleasurably to touch.
So… Am I Gay?
Gay is a sexual orientation defined as currently having an exclusive preference for people of similar gender as yourself. If this definition resonates with you, you could be gay!
If you think you might be gay, it would be more beneficial to introspect on the gender(s) that you are attracted to, rather than the erogenous zones you enjoy having stimulated or the sex acts you enjoy.
Some questions to ask yourself:
- What gender(s) am I most drawn romantically? How about sexually?
- What genders do I have interest in rolling around in bed with?
- Does the term gay bring me happiness?
- Does identifying as gay connect me to a community I want to be connected to?
- Does calling myself gay make me feel like home?
- Does identifying as gay give me as anything else?
Remember: Gay isn’t the only sexual orientation label that names an attraction to men! “Being a man and desiring other men is not enough to make someone identify as gay,” she says. That’s because being romantically and/or sexually attracted to be men does not preclude you from being attracted to people of other genders, she says. In other words, you could also be bisexual, queer, pansexual, omnisexual, or any other sexual orientation.
Beyond self-reflecting, you can also explore your sexuality by learning more about sexual orientation labels, reading erotica, watching porn, and fantasize. “You can also explore by going to a sex clubs, hooking-up with people with the help of apps like Grindr, attending gay-coded events or spaces like bars, and so on,” says Dr. Queen. Talking to a queer-inclusive therapist can also be helpful, she says, as can attending coming-out groups or sexual orientation support groups.
How To Know If You Want To Try Receptive Anal Sex
If your sexuality doesn’t dictate whether or not you’ll enjoy receptive anal sex, that means that you get to decide (no matter your sexual orientation!) whether or not you want to try anal sex.
So how do you know if you want to try receptive anal sex or not? Dr. Queen says you might want to try receptive anal play if:
- You find yourself watching a lot of porn featuring men receiving anal
- You have explored anal play previously — either on your own or with a partner — and would like to do so again.
- Your butt hole tingles when you are turned on or having an orgasm.
- You enjoy exploring different parts of your body.
- You have a partner who you feel safe exploring new erogenous zones with.
- You find yourself lowering your vibrator (or other sex toy) closer to your ass hole when you use it.
The Bottom Line
Enjoying receptive anal sex does not make you gay, and that includes receptive anal sex enjoyed with the help of The Cowgirl! The only thing that makes you gay or any other sexuality is self-identifying.
So, if you’re interested in the pleasure potential of your peach, do your best to let go of any internalized homophobia and shame that has kept you from trying or fully enjoying anal play.
