Some things like the Wartenburg Wheel, anal beads, pumps are dubbed with pretty puzzling handles. A couples vibrator, however, is exactly as it sounds: a vibrator for partnered (or multi-partnered) play.
A couples vibrator’s main duty is to bring a new type of sensation to a couple or throuple. Some of these vibes are designed specifically to be used by couples, while others in the category are vibes that couples just-so-happen to be using.
As certified sex coach and sex educator Davia Frost puts it, “The beauty of the sex tech industry right now is that there are so many different types of sex toys and so many different ways to use them.”
Benefits of using a couples vibrator
Many folks who haven’t yet woken up to the joys of pleasure products wrongly assume that using a vibrator during insinuates that your partner “isn't up to the task”.
But, explains sex educator Caitlin V., M.P.H. with Royal, a vegan-friendly condom and lubricant company, “Vibrators aren’t about a lack. They’re tools that bring something extra to the bedroom."
Read on to learn what that something-something extra might be.
Increased pleasure
Many couples vibrators are intended to layer a new sensation to the sensations you and your boo(s) already enjoy.
Let’s consider a vibrating butt plug like the b-Vibe Rimming during P-in-V, for example. The penetrating partner could wear it to achieve prostate stimulation while receiving penile stimulation. Or, the receiving partner could wear it for an added sensation of fullness and more intense G-spot stimulation.
Another example is a clitoral vibrator like the Le Wand Petite during anal intercourse. “If the receiving partner has a vagina, the anal penetration will still stimulate their G-spot through the anal canal wall,” says Frost. “And the vibrator allows them to have their anus, G-spot, and clitoris stimulated all at once.”
More blended orgasms
Blended orgasms are orgasms that occur from stimulating two or more erogenous zones at the same time.
Because vibrators give you the ability to stimulate multiple hot-spots at once, your odds of having a blended O ramp up. Fun!
Reduced fatigue
Raise your hand if your tongue, finger(s), or hips, have ever cramped up mid-way through sex? No shade to you or your boo! Sometimes folks just take longer to climax than our muscles can handle.
Well, the next time your tongue taps out or finger seizes up rather than toughing it out, grab a toy that mimics the sensation.
Performing oral? Grab some water-based lube and a clitoral toy. Rimming? Reach for your b-Vibe Rimming Plug. Thrusting? Have your partner hop on The Cowgirl.
Better sexual function
Seriously! Tatyannah King, a sex educator and sex coach with Blex Technologies explains: “Research conducted at Indiana University literally found that 53% of women and 45% of men aged between 18-65 years who used a vibrator reported improved sexual function.”
Added spice
Especially for couples who have been together for years (plural!), a couples vibrator can be a fun way to mix things up.
“Couples vibrators force you to learn each other's bodies in new ways,” Frost says.
Improved conversation
I’ll tell you the wrong way to introduce a couples vibrator: By whipping it out as a surprise. “You NEED to have a conversation about what toy you’re going to use and how you’re going to use it before you try to use one,” says Frost. (Emphasis hers).
According to her, because using a couples vibrator requires detailed communication, it can serve to improve communication within the relationship.
How to introduce a sex toy into your relationship
No doubt, the idea of introducing a buzzy buddy into the bedroom can be intimidating. Luckily, we make it simply with this step-by-step guide.
1. Do your research
“Before you introduce anything in the bedroom, it’s best to educate yourself well before you bring it up to a partner,” says Caitlin V.
Doing research, she says, will help you better understand WHY you want to try something. “Plus, it’ll prepare you for answering any questions your partner may have.”
2. Introduce the idea
Now that you’ve done your research and know the benefits, Caitlin V recommends describing those benefits to your partner. “Coming from the perspective of what benefits you will both gain, rather than fear, can be empowering,” she says.
That might look like:
- “When I masturbate there’s a vibrator that I like to use and I thought it might be really hot for both of us if you used it on me while I taste you.”
- “I recently read an article about butt plugs and I was thinking it might be something fun for us to look into together. Have you ever worn a butt plug before? Or, had a partner wear one with you?”.
- “I was watching porn last night and there was this one film where they use a wand vibrator that really turned me on. Can I send you the link of the film? I thought it might be something we could try.”
3. Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more
“These things take multiple conversations over days or weeks to talk through,” according to Caitlin V. So after your first conversation you’ll likely want to keep the conversation going.
Your partner’s initial response will dictate what Part 2 looks like.
If they said NO
You don’t want to pressure them into saying ‘Yes’. But it’s totally kosher for you to be interested in their refusal.
For example you might ask:
- “You seemed really uncomfortable when I brought up the idea of using a vibrator together. I respect that you don’t want to use one, but do you mind if I ask why?”.
- “I know last night got kind of tense, but do you think we could try talking about sex toys a second time some time next week?”.
- “Baby, do you mind if I ask if you've had a bad experience using a sex toy on your own or with a partner before? I want to better-understand where your anger is coming from.”
And if your partner refuses to explain their disinterest…well, let’s just say it’s up to you whether or not that’s a deal-breaker, says Caitlin V.
If they said YES
From wearable vibrators to rideable vibrators, butt plugs to anal beads, and more the wonderful world of couples vibrators is vast and wide. So, simply agreeing to use a couples vibe is not enough. You’ll need to figure out what kind of vibe to use.
After all, your partner may think they’ve signed up for a lil bullet vibe like the Le Wand Bullet when you’ve got The Cowgirl Sex Machine in mind.
“To narrow down which couples vibrator to buy, think about what you ultimately wish to accomplish by using sex toys designed specifically for couples to use together,” says King. “Do you want to want to have control over how the sex toy is used on your partner? Would you like to replicate a threesome without actually including another person? If yes, then go sex-machine,” she says.
4. Set your budget
“Flashier vibrators can be really costly, but first-time vibrator buys shouldn't feel like they need to spend a lot of money for a quality toy,” Frost says. But that’s not always necessary.
That’s why she recommends looking at your finances, picking a price range, and then sticking to it!
After all, it’s going to be pretty damn tough to enjoy a sex toy if you’re stressed about your bank account…
5. Figure out how you’re going to get the toy
Frost recommends going to the store with your partner to pick out a toy. “Something magical happens when you’re walking around the store and get to touch the toys,” she says. “Often what happens is couples will find that they’re aesthetically drawn to a toy.”
If you don’t feel comfortable visiting a shop in-person, there are plentyyy of online shops to choose from. We recommend our sister-stores: B-Vibe and Le Wand.
6. Buy accessories
While you’re at it, go ahead and add some lube to your cart. “Lube helps reduce friction of the toy against your skin, which can increase pleasure,” says Frost.
As a reminder toys made of silicone—as much couples vibrators are—cannot be used with silicone-based lube. Opt for a water or oil based lubricant.
7. Chat about safer sex practices
Before you give your new toy a whirl remember tha tsex toys can act as a vector for bodily fluids. Meaning sexually transmitted infections and diseases can be spread by a couples vibrator.
King explains: If you use a toy on yourself without washing it after someone (or someones, plural) with an STI has used the toy, it is possible to contract an STI.
To avoid sharing anything other than pleasure via your sex toys, Caitlin V. recommends learning your own STI status and exchanging that information with your play partners.
From there, you can decide whether it makes sense to cover your product with a condom, and rolling on a new condom when changing who’s going to be using the product.
Which couples vibrator should you buy?
Good news: There’s no wrong move here! It just comes down to what works best for you and your partner’s objects.
To make it easy for you, we put together a chart of the best couples vibrators based on what they do.
1. Clitoral vibrator
What it does that's noteworthy: Available in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, clitoral vibrators are any vibrators designed to provide external stimulation to vagina-owners.
Our top picks: Le Wand Original Rechargeable Massager or Le Wand Deux
2. Anal vibrator
What it does that's noteworthy: Inclusive of vibrating butt plugs, vibrating anal beads, and vibrating prostate massagers, anal vibrators are designed to stimulate the nerve-dense anal canal. Specifically, the G-spot on vagina-owners and P-spot on penis-havers.
Our top picks: b-Vibe Rimming Plug Petite or b-Vibe Snug Plug Vibrating Medium
3. Rideable vibrator
What it does that's noteworthy: Also known as sex machines or saddle vibrators, rideable vibrators are ottoman-shaped mountable vibrators designed to accommodate a wide variety of sexual desires. Including: anal stimulation, G-spot stimulation, A-spot stimulation, clitoral stimulate, prostate play, stimulation, and more.
Our top picks: The Cowgirl Sex Machine
Best positions to use a couples vibrator
Obviously, this will vary from toy-to-toy and couple-to couple. But if you need some inspiration, allow us to suggest the following:
Missionary
For using all sorts of a couples vibrator during penetrative play, King recommends this classic position.
Whether its anal or vaginal sex, she suggests that the person being penetrated place their legs on the shoulders of the person doing penetrating. “This puts the person doing penetrating in a good position to use a sex toy against their partner’s clitoris, nipples, or pubic mound,” she says.
Note: If the receiving partner isn’t flexible enough for this iteration, propping a pillow or wedge under their hips will accomplish a similar feat.
Rider on top
For first time rideable vibrator users, Frost recommends a rider on top position.
Outfit the machine with The Wild West attachment, then have the partner who’s going to be receiving penetration mount the machine put on a one-person show for their partner, she suggests.
Another option: Pop on the The Rawhide Silicone Attachment, which provides intense external vibration. Start on a low setting, trying varying movements, hip angles, and pressure levels. Then, slowly ramping up the intensity as your arousal builds.
When you and your partner are ready, you can hop off the machine and mount your partner instead, she says.
Doggy style
Planning to use your The Cowgirl Sex Machine to explore double-penetrative play? Frost recommends doggy style. Attach The Wild West attachment, then have your partner enter you from behind.
After using a couples vibrator
"After new sexual experiences, all parties should do a debrief as soon as possible,” says Caitlin V.
For this, she recommends the sandwich approach.
Start by talking about what worked and what you really loved.
“Then cover what didn’t work so well and what you could do better next time—if anything,” she says. For example, did you like your vibrator on its 3rd setting but not the fourth? Tell your boo(s)! Did you like the way the toy felt in doggy style but not as much in the missionary position? Share that! Any intel that might be useful for increasing the pleasure potential of your next romp is useful.
Finally, close out with other compliments.
