Some things like the Wartenburg Wheel, anal beads, and pumps are dubbed with pretty puzzling handles. A couples vibrator, however, is exactly as it sounds: a vibrator for partnered (or multi-partnered) play.
A couple's vibrator’s main duty is to bring a new type of sensation to a couple or throuple. Some of these vibes are designed specifically to be used by couples, while others in the category are vibes that couples just so happen to be using.
As certified sex coach and sex educator Davia Frost puts it, “The beauty of the sex tech industry right now is that there are so many different types of sex toys and so many different ways to use them.”
How to introduce a sex toy into your relationship
No doubt, the idea of introducing a buzzy buddy into the bedroom can be intimidating. Luckily, we make it simple with this step-by-step guide.
1. Do your research
“Before you introduce anything in the bedroom, it’s best to educate yourself well before you bring it up to a partner,” says Caitlin V.
Doing research, she says, will help you better understand WHY you want to try something. “Plus, it’ll prepare you for answering any questions your partner may have.”
2. Introduce the idea
Now that you’ve done your research and know the benefits, Caitlin V recommends describing those benefits to your partner. “Coming from the perspective of what benefits you will both gain, rather than fear, can be empowering,” she says.
That might look like:
- “When I masturbate there’s a vibrator that I like to use and I thought it might be really hot for both of us if you used it on me while I taste you.”
- “I recently read an article about butt plugs and I was thinking it might be something fun for us to look into together. Have you ever worn a butt plug before? Or, had a partner wear one with you?”.
- “I was watching porn last night and there was this one film where they use a wand vibrator that really turned me on. Can I send you the link to the film? I thought it might be something we could try.”
3. Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more
“These things take multiple conversations over days or weeks to talk through,” according to Caitlin V. So after your first conversation you’ll likely want to keep the conversation going.
Your partner’s initial response will dictate what Part 2 looks like.
If they said NO to using sex toys
You don’t want to pressure them into saying ‘Yes’. But it’s totally kosher for you to be interested in their refusal.
For example, you might ask:
- “You seemed really uncomfortable when I brought up the idea of using a vibrator together. I respect that you don’t want to use one, but do you mind if I ask why?”.
- “I know last night got kind of tense, but do you think we could try talking about sex toys a second time sometime next week?”.
- “Baby, do you mind if I ask if you've had a bad experience using a sex toy on your own or with a partner before? I want to better understand where your anger is coming from.”
And if your partner refuses to explain their disinterest…well, let’s just say it’s up to you whether or not that’s a deal-breaker, says Caitlin V.
If they said YES to using sex toys
From wearable vibrators to rideable vibrators, butt plugs to anal beads, and more the wonderful world of couples vibrators is vast. So, simply agreeing to use a couple's vibe is not enough. You’ll need to figure out what kind of vibe to use.
“To narrow down which couples vibrator to buy, think about what you ultimately wish to accomplish by using sex toys designed specifically for couples to use together,” says King. “Do you want to want to have control over how the sex toy is used on your partner? Would you like to replicate a threesome without actually including another person? If yes, then go sex-machine,” she says.
4. Try out your couples sex machine solo
Figuring out how to use it is a big part of the experience of using a couple's sex machine. Solo exploration with your new Cowgirl can help you get familiar with all the toy’s functions before you try it out with a partner. It’s a great way to get to know what you like, and what experiences you’d like to have when you use the toy together. It’s also a great way to level up your masturbation sessions and give yourself a whole new kind of pleasure.
Before you start exploring The Cowgirl, make sure you’re really turned on. The more aroused you are, the more receptive to different types of stimulation your body will be, specifically vibration and penetration. The Cowgirl is compatible with water-based lubes, so use it liberally. Wetter is always better when it comes to using sex toys! Jumping directly into clitoral massage and intense vibration without a little warm-up (and a lot of lube) can sometimes feel a little jarring, so warm up by relaxing and giving attention to different erogenous zones on your own body. Consider it a date night with yourself. Kick back, light some candles, and explore the entirety of your body before you saddle up on your Cowgirl.
Ready to ride? Start by experimenting with all of settings, functions, and attachments. This couples sex machine is easy to control and has 6 vibration patterns, each with a range of adjustable intensities, and includes two attachments for either external clitoral stimulation, or internal g-spot or p-spot play.
The Rawhide Silicone Attachment is great if you like powerful external clitoral vibration and grinding. We recommend starting with this one, on a low setting. Bring attention to the entire vulva, with this all over-vibration. Get the blood and juices flowing and prime your body for increased intensity and stimulation. Because you’re riding on top of, you have a lot of control over the angle of your hips, the rhythm of your body’s motions, and the amount of pressure you’re using while you grind. Customize your ride by slowly building up the intensity of vibration, and trying varying movements, hip angles, and pressure levels. There’s no wrong way to ride, just keep exploring to find the ways that feel good for you.
The Wild West Attachment is a sure bet for internal g-spot or p-spot massage, with a range of vibration settings or variable speed rotations, to make sure you hit all the right spots. The Wild West attachment works with either springs and stems. You can use the spring to experiment with a more flexible internal arm, or the plastic stem if you prefer more rigid penetration.
If you’re the partner who will be controlling the couples' sex machine, you should also spend some time familiarizing yourself with the LED controller or with the many functions of the smartphone app. Do your homework ahead of time, so you’re well prepared when it’s time for action!
Controlling your couples sex machine for your partner
Now that you’ve each played around with your sex machine, you’re ready to bring your couple's sex machine into the bedroom (or living room, or kitchen, or dungeon…)
Controlling it can be as exhilarating as riding it. You can either control it by using the LED controller, or you can extend the distance of your play by using the smartphone app, which functions up to 30’ away from your partner.
First, remember that communication is key in all good sex. If your partner has tried The Cowgirl solo, ask them to tell you what the experience was like, and what worked for them for getting turned on and for getting off. Ask your partner whether they’re looking for just external stimulation with the Rawhide Attachment, or if they’d like to try the Wild West Insertable Attachment. Ask them when they’d like to incorporate The Cowgirl into your playtime. Maybe they’d like to use it as part of foreplay, or maybe they’d like to focus on it as the main event. There’s no right way or right time to use a sex machine, so talk about it, try it out, and keep exploring different ways and times of incorporating your couples' sex machine into your play.
Using the Cowgirl is simple. The LED controller and app are really intuitive and let you explore building and layering sensations. Working your way up to higher power settings can help prolong your sex session and build up to a stronger, more prolonged orgasm. It can go up to 6,500 RPMs, which is extremely powerful. Start at a low setting, and slowly increase the intensity while paying attention to your partner’s responses. Generally speaking, grinding harder is a good sign that the current intensity level is working. Pulling away is an indicator that you might want to lower the intensity of vibration. Check in regularly to see what’s working and what adjustments need to be made.
Also, remember to engage other parts of your partner’s body. Think about the places and types of touch that usually turn them on. Remember to incorporate different parts of your body and their body into the experience, to help them build toward a more full-bodied orgasm. Maybe they like nipple stimulation, tie in some nipple clamps to keep their chest engaged. If they like the feeling of fullness, insert a butt plug before they use the Wild West attachment for g-spot stimulation.
Stay engaged in your partner’s pleasure while you’re controlling the couple's sex machine. Controlling the intensities is only one role you’re playing during partner play with your Cowgirl. Emphasize the play aspect of using the toy together by using the LED controls or app to increase vibration as a form of tease and reward as a way to create positive feedback games. Create an arc of pleasure with every adjustment to reward your partner throughout your play.
Create nicknames with your partner for your favorite couples sex machine positions
All couples will use their couple’s sex machine differently, so have fun coming up with fun nicknames for all your favorite moves and positions. Is there one setting that can get your partner off faster than anything else? Sounds like you’ve found the Pony Express! Do you like incorporating a little rope bondage into your sex machine adventures? Think of a fun nickname involving a Lasso.
The sky’s the limit when coming up with names for your favorite sex acts and positions. Let your Cowgirl, and your hot play, inspire you along the way!
Incorporating sensory play & kink with your couples sex machine
One of the most exciting things about The Cowgirl is its versatility. Because it’s so powerful and offers such a wide range of sensations, you can incorporate it into even your most advanced kinky sex. The remote control aspect of this couple's sex machine makes it ideal for adding some power play into your sex. Introduce an element of orgasm control into your play by handing over the remote to your partner, and giving them complete control over the intensity of the ride.
Edging is a technique that involves bringing your partner to the edge of orgasm, then teasing them by stopping or slowing down the sensations when they’re on the brink of getting off. Test their endurance by bringing them to the edge of orgasm a couple of times before you let them reach their peak. The more times you cycle closer to the point of orgasm, the more intense the sense of release can feel when they can actually go all the way.
If you’d like to incorporate some bondage and impact play into your play, start by incorporating a blindfold. Limiting the sense of sight adds an element of surprise while heightening awareness of other senses. Blindfold your partner, and tease them by changing the settings on your couple's sex machine, or moving closer or further away from them while you play. If a little rough play is part of your repertoire, you can add to the element of surprise by incorporating some hair-pulling, spanking, biting, or your favorite sensation toys. If impact play is on the menu, use your hands or favorite riding crop to intensify your play.
A couple's sex machine like The Cowgirl is a great tool for expanding your sexual toolbox and your sexual pleasure and intimacy. Try out some of these techniques, or create new ones based on your likes or desires. The possibilities are endless!
Best positions to use a couples vibrator
Obviously, this will vary from to toy and couple-to-couple. But if you need some inspiration, allow us to suggest the following:
For using all sorts of a couple’s vibrator during penetrative play, King recommends this classic position.
Whether it's anal or vaginal sex, she suggests that the person being penetrated place their legs on the shoulders of the person doing penetrating. “This puts the person doing penetrating in a good position to use a sex toy against their partner’s clitoris, nipples, or pubic mound,” she says.
Note: If the receiving partner isn’t flexible enough for this iteration, propping a pillow or wedge under their hips will accomplish a similar feat.
2. The Cowgirl Position
For first-time rideable vibrator users, Frost recommends The Cowgirl position.
Outfit the machine with The Wild West Attachment, then have the partner who’s going to be receiving penetration mount the machine put on a one-person show for their partner, she suggests.
Another option: Pop on the The Rawhide Silicone Attachment, which provides intense external vibration. Start on a low setting, trying varying movements, hip angles, and pressure levels. Then, slowly ramping up the intensity as your arousal builds.
When you and your partner are ready, you can hop off the machine and mount your partner instead, she says.
3. Doggy style
Planning to use your The Cowgirl Sex Machine to explore double-penetrative play? Frost recommends doggy style. Attach The Wild West Attachment, then have your partner enter you from behind.
After using a couples vibrator
"After new sexual experiences, all parties should do a debrief as soon as possible,” says Caitlin V.
For this, she recommends the sandwich approach.
Start by talking about what worked and what you really loved.
“Then cover what didn’t work so well and what you could do better next time—if anything,” she says. For example, did you like your vibrator on its 3rd setting but not the fourth? Tell your boo(s)! Did you like the way the toy felt in doggy style but not as much in the missionary position? Share that! Any intel that might be useful for increasing the pleasure potential of your next romp is useful.