Written by sex journalist and expert, Gabrielle Kassel, for The Cowgirl.
Formerly, the word “prostate” incited, bringing to memory the abhorred bend-and-cough and thoughts around prostate cancer.
But thanks to TV shows like Broad City, porn, and an increase in the number of articles on the topic (heyo!), the prostate has undergone a much-needed rebrand. These days, it’s known as a pleasure gland.
What is the prostate?
The prostate is an internal, chestnut-shaped gland in cisgender men and people assigned male at birth.
“The prostate's primary function is to produce [prostatic] fluid that, when combined with sperm cells from testicles and other glands, makeup semen,” explains sex expert and journalist Zachary Zane Sexplain It columnist with Men’s Health and Founder of BoySlut. But innervated with nerves, the gland can be stimulated for the purpose of pleasure. Woot!
When celebrated for its pleasure-potential, the prostate is often short-handed as the “P-spot”. It’s sometimes occasionally called “the male G-spot”, but due to the fact that it implies a biological binary, that doesn’t exist, this term is falling out of use. (Though, worth mentioning: some transwomen and transfeminine folks call it their G-spot because it’s gender-affirming).
Where is the prostate?
The prostate is located two to three inches inside the anus between the penis (or front-genitals) and the bladder, explains Zane. In fact, the “prostate” is actually called such because in Greek prostata means “in front of”. As in: in front of the bladder.
It can be stimulated through direct internal stimulation vis-à-vis the anus with a finger, butt plug, string of anal beads, prostate stimulator, dildo, or penis. Or it can be stimulated through indirect external stimulation of the taint using a vibrator or hand.
How to stimulate the P-Spot
Whether you’re stimulating your own prostate, or someone else's, Alexandra Holovitz, founder and CEO at Alexandra Guru, a coaching service dedicated to helping men become sexually confident, recommends using your finger to start.
“Trim your nails, get some lube handy, and grab a glove if you’re planning to use one,” she says. When you or your partner are fully warmed up, apply plenty of lube to the outside of the anus and the inside (with the help of a lube shooter) and start massaging the outer area. When the anus is ready to be penetrated, you’ll see/feel it begin to pucker. At that point, “slowly enter the hole with a single finger, gradually going deeper,” she says. To hit the prostate, curl your finger up towards your or your partner’s stomach.
How will you know when you’ve hit it? When you bump into something that feels spongier than the rest of the tissues. Sex-hacker and sex educator Kenneth Play, Founder of Hacienda Villa an international sex-positive community says, “If the rest of the anal canal feels like the inside of your cheek, the prostate feels more like the tip of the nose.”
You or your partner will also likely begin to ~react~. “It'll feel incredible for the person being fingered/penetrated,” says Zane.
Yes, it is possible to orgasm from prostate stimulation
For some people, stimulating the prostate is so pleasurable it results in orgasm—a really, really powerful orgasm.
“While it’s difficult to describe any form of orgasm with words, in my experience as a cisgender man, prostate orgasms feel more full-bodied than penile orgasms,” says Zane. Other adjectives commonly used to describe prostate orgasms include: intense, radiating, overwhelming, explosive, and even better than pooping.
Beyond feeling good, another perk of prostate orgasms is that they don’t require the pleasure-seeker’s penis to be hard. This makes them a great release for people with erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and long refractory periods.
“Because prostate orgasms have the most potential for accessible multiple orgasms, they’re also a great option for people who are excited by that idea,” adds Play.
How to have a prostate orgasm
The short answer: By touching the prostate in a way that feels good for a sustained period of time. Of course, there’s more to it than that.
1. Start solo
Play’s number one tip for prostate exploration is to try it during solo sex. “During masturbation, you have a direct feedback loop,” he says. Without having to instruct someone else you can change what you’re doing if something doesn’t feel good, and keep doing more of what does. True!
2. Get in the mood.
Very important PSA: “If you don’t get in the mood before you start penetrating your anus, it’s going to feel like a medical exam,” says Play. Pass.
So, put on your favorite (ethical) porn, take a shower, eyeball your Grindr messages, or do whatever it is you normally do to get in the mood. “You might even stimulate your penis to help you get aroused,” he says.
Then, when you’re fully turned on, head South.
3. Try stimulating your prostate indirectly
Before going in, stay out and try indirectly stimulating your prostate by stroking your grundle (that’s the often-ignored patch of skin between your penis and sack).
Why? Two words: Baby steps.
4. Lather on the lube
The anus does *not* self-lubricate. Meaning, unless you manually (store-bought) lubrication, the hole is going to stay dry.
And a dry hole can be uncomfortable to penetrate. Hello, Friction City!
That’s why Holovitz says, “It’s always best to have plenty of lube on hand and to apply it liberally.”
5. Fingers first
Ready to try internal stimulation? Because the prostate feels physically different from the surrounding tissues, your fingers— not a toy— are the best place to start because they allow you to feel exactly where your prostate is.
Once you locate the prostate, Holovitz recommends experimenting with the pressure and techniques you try. Some methods she recommends giving a try:
- Come baby come: Consistently curl your finger up and down in a ‘come hither” motion.
- Ding-dong doorbell: Tap the prostate with your pointing finger, gently then with more force.
- Circle circus: Make some circular motions on the P-spot and around it.
6. Try a toy
Once you get a ~lay of the land~ and want to continue sexploring, Holovitz recommends trying a small butt-plug, prostate massager, or C-shaped toy.
Play especially recommends a stainless steel C-shaped wand, like the Le Wand Bow.
“Put it in lukewarm water to make it warm and grab some silicone lube,” he says. “Then move the toy around until you find the right spot, then use a rocking motion with your wrist to rock the toy against the front wall of the rectum, applying pressure to the prostate.”
7. Combine sensations
Once you know how you like your prostate stimulated, add it to your regular/former masturbation practice. The goal: Blended orgasm.
Start playing with yourself as you normally would, says Play. As you get close to orgasm begin to touch your prostate using your fingers or a toy. “The prostate stimulation will feel way better than you ever thought it could and you’ll likely have a mind-blowing orgasm,” he says.
How to have a prostate orgasm with a sex machine
One of the best ways to experience a prostate orgasm that requires neither a partner nor your hands is with what Play calls “The Rolls Royce of vibrators”: The Cowgirl Sex Machine.
A saddle-shaped rideable vibrator, The Cowgirl can be used to deliver high-intensity internal or external vibration and stimulation, depending on the attachment.
For prostate stimulation, the best two penetrative attachments are:
- The Lone Ranger: Crafted with a curved bulbous head, the Lone Ranger is specifically designed to provide the pressure most prostate-havers need to orgasm. (Buy it here).
- The Bronco: Modeled after a biological penis, the head of the Bronco is shaped like the head of a biological penis, thus allowing the attachment to stimulate the prostate the way penetrative anal intercourse might. (Buy it here)
After you’ve outfitted your machine with the right attachment, lather your hole and the attachment with a water- or oil-based lubricant. Then, straddling the attachment, spending some time teasing your hole, perineum, and penis with the vibration. When you’re good and turned on, slowly ease yourself down onto the tip.
The curved bulbous tip of the Lone Ranger enables the attachment to hit your prostate without much work. “You can just put that bad boy in, turn on the vibrations, and moan in ecstasy,” says Zane.
Because the Bronco offers more vertical penetration, you’ll want to experiment leaning forward and back on the machine until you find your just-right spot.