Quick: Name two sex positions.
Odds are if you hadn’t already seen the article of this title (oops), the two positions that would come to mind are missionary and doggy style. Now, both are super solid ass sex positions replete with their own benefits.
But neither puts the partner being penetrated in control. And that’s exactly why today we’re giving a position that does the love it deserves: the cowgirl sex position.
Read on to learn all the reasons the position deserves gold—plus, sex educator-approved tips for maximizing pleasure while you ride.
By the end of this article, you’ll be saying “Mission-huh??” and “doggy-who”.
Remind me: What is the cowgirl sex position?
First things first, the cowgirl is a sex position anybody—regardless of gender, genital make up, or sexual orientation—can enjoy! That’s why it’s also sometimes known by the less-gendered terms: ‘rider-on-top’, ‘rider’, ‘cowhuman’, or ‘person-on-top’. (Because it’s best known as the cowgirl position, that’s how we’ll be referring to it moving forward).
“The Cowgirl sex position is really any position that puts the person being either anally or vaginally penetrated on top,” says body-positive sex educator Carly S.
Usually, the rider’s legs are on either side of their partner, straddling them the way, say, an actual cowgirl might straddle a horse. But, that’s not always the case. “It’s a really versatile position,” she says.
What are the benefits of the cowgirl sex position?
Allow me to count them all...
Depth and Speed Control
Babes, the beauty of the person being penetrated taking the controller seat can’t be understated. It allows them to experiment with the depth, rhythm, and speed so that they canreally hit their internal hot-spots.
Sure, the rider can tell the giver when their G-spot, A-spot, or P-spot is being hot during other positions. But during the cowgirl sex position, there’s no communication lag! As soon as the rider has found that just-right spot, they can stay there.
Increased Clitoral Stimulation
“Cowgirl allows the rider to climb on top and grind their clit against their partner’s pubic mound,” says Carly S. Woot! The closer the rider’s chest gets to their partner's chest, the more intense the stimulation will be.
Admittedly, if one or both partners has pubes, this(^) can be irritating or over-stimulating on the clit. In which case, try sitting up tall on the penis or dildo and using a vibrator, like the Le Wand Duex or the Le Wand Grand Bullet.
Another option: Have your partner use a vibrator with a long-handle on it like the Le Wand.
Anal Friendly
Not only is cowgirl an option for anal play, but sex educator and self-proclaimed sex-hacker Kenneth Play, also calls it the perfect option. Especially for first-time anal-havers.
He explains: “When you squat, the pelvic floor opens up including the anal muscles he says. (Fun fact: that’s why most of our ancestors pooped and gave birth from a squat position). “Because it opens up the ass, getting the penis or dildo into the anus is far easier than it is in other positions,” he says.
Forewarning: Because this position “opens” the ass up, it’s possible to insert too much length too soon. That’s why Play suggests using the headboard to study yourself as you lower, having your partner hold your hips steady, or even inserting a handle on the ceiling for help.
BTW, even if you’re not ready for “full blown” anal, Daniel Saynt, Founder & Chief Conspirator of NSFW, a private members club for sex, kink, and cannabis-positive millennials says the cowgirl sex position can be used for anal stimulation. He explains: “You can have the penetrating partner reach around and stimulate or massager receiver's sphincter.”
Also: There are always butt plugs (we recommend the b-Vibe Trio Plug).
(Optional) power switcheroo
“This position can be used to teach the penetrating partner how to be the bottom or submissive,” says Play. “It allows the rider to use their partner like a sex toy for their pleasure.” He adds that blindfolds, handcuffs, restraints, and dirty talk can all be used to enforce this dynamic.
Don’t read it wrong: It is absolutely possible for the rider to submit to their partner while on top. “The penetrator can hold their partner’s hips and thrust upwards,” says Saynt. (Note: This is also a good move when the person on top gets tired). “The partner at the bottom can also spank the partner on top or make the partner on top beg for release.” *Drools*
Eye contact
For obvious reasons, Carly S. says, “the cowgirl sex position a great pick for those who enjoy sustained eye contact.” If you fall into that camp she recommends ramping up the intimacy by graduating to eye gazing.
More intense than regular ‘ole eye contact, eye gazing is a tantric practice that entails looking and looking and looking and looking into your partner’s eyes. It’s vulnerable. It’s hot. And after about 30 seconds you’ll feel super-duper connected with your boo. (Intrigued? Check out Barbara Carrellas’s Urban Tantra for more intel).
Intimate
The eye contact and skin-to-skin contact combo mean the position can be intimate AF.
If you’re feeling extra lovey-dovey—like say, on Valentine’s Day —Carly S. recommends trying another tantric practice: synchronized breathing. Exactly as it sounds, synchronized breathing entails inhaling at the same time, then exhaling at the same time. “It’ll help you establish next level intimacy,” she says.
Customizable
No doubt, doing a squat hold over your partner’s D(ildo) can be pleasurable. Ditto goes for straddling your partner’s hips.
But Carly S. notes that those iterations of cowgirl aren’t accessible for people with knee joint issues and those who don’t have the strength to hold their bod up. If that’s you she recommends:
- Laying flat on your partner’s body
- Encouraging your partner to hold you up with their arms
- Using a sex chair
- Propping pillows under your knees
- Grabbing onto the headboard or back of the sofa
“You don’t want to have too much stress on your body—you want to be comfortable and able to relax, otherwise you won’t feel good - let alone come,” she says.
How to try the cowgirl sex position
I’m going to ahead and assume after learning about the many perks of the cowgirl sex position you’re interested in trying it or trying it again. (*Pats self on back*).
Luckily, whether you’re single, partnered, or multi-partnered, we’ve got tips for you.
With a partner
Start by having the giving partner lay down on the bed. Really leaning into the Dom/sub component of the position? Handcuff their hands to the bed above them, restrain their whole body down with an under-the-bed restraint system, or blindfold them.
Next, tease the living bejesus out of all the pleasure-seekers getting down! This is a good suggestion before ANY penetrative sex act or position because the longer the build-up, the greater the arousal. And the more aroused somebody is, the better penetration will feel.
When you’re ready, lube up the giver’s shaft and receiver’s entrance, then have the receiver straddle slowly ease down. The keyword here: SLOWLY! If the receiver doesn’t have the leg strength to lower themselves millimeter-by-millimeter, their partner can hold their hips up from below.
Receiver, experiment with leaning this way and that. When you find an angle that makes you moan, stay there. If your arms tucker out or knees get cranky, Carly S. recommends laying flat and having your partner pump into you from below giving you plenty of smoocheroos as they do.
Solo a.k.a. The Cowgirl Sex Machine
Fear not, Single Babes and those in LDRs—you don’t need a partner to ride solo.
Behold: The Cowgirl.
A modern sex machine, The Cowgirl is the ultimate vibrator for those who love to ride (and their partners). Shaped like a saddle but padded like a sofa-arm, you’ll straddle the machine for a read (read: romp) for that is equal-parts realistic and luxurious. (Can’t visualize? Click here to see it being used in action).
“Even the lowest vibration setting on the machine is pretty intense vibration,” says Carly S. So, just as you would before riding a human, warm up! “Tease yourself with a go-to hand-held vibrator, watch some (ethical) porn, and get that blood flowing,” she says. Literally, whatever you’re go-to arousal moves are fair game.
Hornier than a pack of rams? Cool, you’re ready to ride. Play recommends elevating the toy off of the ground, by putting it on a solid footstool so that you can plant your legs on either side of the machine for better control. But you can keep it on the ground, too—pleasure-seekers choice. Make sure to use a sturdy stool and BE SAFE! :)
Now, lube up the machine (we recommend water-based anal lube by System JO and we're also big fans of using coconut oil as lube for anal), straddle the saddle, and slowly lower yourself down.
Rather than moving up and down on the vibrating shaft, Carly S. suggests rocking back and forth and side to side. “Once you find the best rhythm and pulse, just ride until you reach your climax,” says Saynt.
But as you do, don’t forget about your other erogenous zones. “Your neck, butt, and chest are all sensitive,” says Carly S. So why not plop on a pair of nipple clamps to stimulate the nipples, pop in a butt plug, or lather your neck in CBD cooling cream? (Hint, hint).
If you’re into DP, after one O might switch your go-to attachment for the Buckwild Double Penetration Silicone Attachment.
After all, two Ds—like two Os—are better than one.
